Better Together

Love is the answer

At least for most of the questions of my heart

Like why are we here?

And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving,

I'll tell you one thing...

It's always better when we're together.

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"...I think that suffering is the way we test our love. Every act of suffering, no matter how small or agonisingly great, is a test of love in some way. Most of the time, suffering is also a test of our love for God."

- Shantaram, page 298

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I read this a couple of days ago and marked it in my book. It struck me as odd at first, then pretty logical once I read further. I'm fascinated to see how applicable it is. I started thinking of things people suffer from...

- Illnesses...brings families, friends closer as we become more aware of our finite time on this Earth

- Hunger...whether you live in the slums or in Willow Bend, we realize the value of not only keeping ourselves alive to experience all the wonderful things in this life, but also the value of helping others and sharing. Whether that's giving the last piece of bread to your sibling or volunteering at a soup kitchen, these actions reinforce human love towards each other. In the great words of Mr. Pourtakalis of My Big Fat Greek Wedding: "So, tonight we have here apples and oranges...but in the end, we're all fruit!"

- Not finding anywhere to sit on the subway: Whether that's ourself or a pregnant woman or an elderly person, sacrificing your seat, "suffering" for a mere few minutes in order to bring please to someone who needs it more is the ultimate test of love. Even towards complete strangers.

- Friendship: Friends suffer because we love each almost unconditionally. It's difficult to tell a friend that he or she is going astray because we fear that it will create a strain on the friendship, possibly destroying it. In that case, both people lose. But seeing someone fall while you are a bystander -- but not just any bystander, but a bystander who is deeply concerned for his or her's well-being -- is possibly the most incredible suffering of all. Not only do both friends lose, but they are personally afflicted terribly because of their own actions, or lack thereof.

- Not disappointing your family: Perhaps if there is any unconditional love on this Earth, it is the love between a parent and a child. We are all human, however. Meaning we may not always be sailing smoothly. The most difficult suffering is the one that is sprung from unconditional love because that love is blinding, almost paralyzing and yet just being a bystander is again an awful thing. No two humans are identical however. Communication between parents and children is important, I now realize. If they can't get on the same page about everything, then at least everyone knows where the next person stands.

- Love for one's self: We suffer when we make the realization that we're not perfect, we're not Superman, and we will falter and fail on many occasions. That knowledge is what knocks us down but it also encourages us to accept ourselves for who we truly are -- to embrace it and to express it appropriately. People love the genuine. Perhaps we don't like everything about ourselves -- I certainly don't -- but we should be encourage to love us as an individual. Sometimes that can't be achieved by ourselves. It's nice to have people recognize the good and not so good about you. But nobody can make you inferior or superior except yourself. They may tell you how beautiful, smart, funny, interesting, or kind you are, but if you cannot accept those characteristics, then we as a human suffers. Our relationships and friendships are based on a stack on superficial characteristics. And those friendships may eventually suffer as well. Loving one's self might save him or her from suffering of any kind. The list can go on and on.

And if all of that is too difficult to soak in (it's still kinda weird to me), I've come to realize that you can always turn to one type of love that will always exist: God's love for you. I should take my own advice sometimes -- nothing is truly hopeless. Nothing is ever completely lost. There are few things in this world that are "100%". Certainty and impermanence are our best friends and worst enemies. I can't scientifically prove God's affection towards mankind, but I certainly can feel it. True, I've neglected it before...on so many occasions. There were points this semester when I almost believed that God had completely forgotten about me, maybe forsaken me. Getting that out of my head was a test of love! It's incredible now that I'm connecting the dots. There's no specific science to it, I know. But perhaps one of the reasons why I felt like I was suffering much of the time was because I was so convinced that the love God has for me no longer existed.

Much has changed since then :) When you've hit rock bottom, at least you know there's no way to go except up.

Carpe diem,

Asil