First Impressions

I was right about the slums.

We arrived in Beirut around 7 Sunday evening and my uncle and cousin surprised us at the airport (my dad swore he didn’t tell anyone he was coming…he wanted to make it a surprise for everyone. But I’m confident that Arabs can never keep their mouths shut anyways). My dad was planning on driving straight to my grandparents’ house in the mountains but my uncle insisted that we spend the night in Beirut getting some shut-eye before we tackle the slopes. So we ended up sleeping at his house that night and I saw a couple of cousins, including a new addition to the family! My dad’s cousin, the one that works for Al Mobarrat, the organization I’m going to be working for, came by after dinner to greet us and to talk to me about what I’ll be doing. It was a really good conversation and I found out that I’m officially written down to teach English to orphans three times a week, starting next Monday. I was ecstatic! He also told me they do a summer camp for the orphans in two of the most beautiful places in Lebanon. It’s a 2-day camp and they just busy themselves with a lot of activities and such. That’s happening towards the end of July. He also brought up the microfinance that Al Mobarrat is involved in…except it’s not really microfinance. They don’t expect their clients to ever pay them back. So it’s more of some goodwill donations. All of their clients are needy women from small villages, and they have an extensive list of many more women who are interested in getting money to start their own small business. I was really interested to hear about this but I really want to help them develop the program as much as I can this summer.

We headed out early to the mountains the next day, a mere 2 hour drive from Beirut…except my dad had never driven the road by himself. Haha, so we definitely off-roaded it a couple of times. That’s when I remembered that the last time we drove this path I threw up. It’s a beautiful drive…we drive for a good hour parallel to the Mediterranean shore and then we head east towards the foothills and finally to the mountains.

I did not recognize my dad’s village at all until we got to the cemetery and we got out and read a prayer at my grandfather’s grave. It was especially emotional for my dad, but I was just perplexed that I didn’t recognize the town at all. We kept on driving for about a minute until we got the road that my grandparents’ house is on…and even then everything looked so different. The village got hit during the 2006 war between Hezbollah and Israel harder than I had ever imagined. Virtually every house on that road, including my grandparents’, had been completely demolished by airstrikes. The good news is that almost all of it is rebuilt…it just looks completely different. A lot more grey and a lot less color. It’s depressing. The first person that we saw (but I unfortunately didn’t recognize her) was my dad’s good neighbor…she was at the gate of my grandparents’ house when she waved us in. We excitedly walked into the house (another thing I didn’t recognize at all) and found my aunt Hala and my grandmother.

My grandmother developed Parkinson’s recently. I haven’t seen her in four years but I’m glad to saw that appearance-wise, she hasn’t changed much. And of course she’s the same cute grandmother that I always knew! But she has developed a nervous quiver in her left hand and she’s much, much quieter than before. That just kills me. She was so excited to see us though and started crying when we walked into the room (from joy of course!).

Word definitely goes around quickly. Within half an hour people started coming in and the tea started boiling and the baklava was passed around. The house was as lively as I had always remembered it and we spent the entire day talking to people and catching up and I definitely spent some time trying to remember who’s who.


A Few Hours Later…

I just finished my evening prayer. I prayed for a lot this time. For my grandma’s Parkinson’s disease to not progress any further, for God to forgive me for the sins I’ve committed, for Him to give me strength to put all my potential into these next five weeks. Today, I got so much criticism and just as much support. I forgot how narrow-minded some villages are. People who don’t really have exposure to a variety of cultures and peoples and circumstances can’t seem to grasp that I’ll be working with orphans and the disabled and those with psychological problems from the war. My cousin’s aunt gave me a lot of support today and told me of her own experience of working with an Italian-based NGO after the 2006 war helping kids step out of the psychological horrors of what they saw. But a mere 20 minutes later I saw an old friend of mine who I used to spend a lot of time with last time I was here and she gave me nothing but skepticism about what my plans are in Lebanon. It’s really, really sad because it’s virtually out of my control. I don’t take it personally and yes, I was a bit upset to hear that kind of thinking, but it’s something inevitable and something I can’t fix single-handedly. I’m not here to prove them wrong, I’m here to do what I want to do.

In other news, my brother is really, really sick still. He has diarrhea now and not a single doctor can diagnose him with the same thing as the previous doctor. I’m completely disenchanted with the medical system now. I hope he gets a lot better but things aren’t looking too well right now.
I haven’t been drinking enough water and the altitude is getting to me. I should really watch that. I forgot how bad my asthma has progressed in the last four years. So I’ve been completely out of it all day. I did devote a lot of time today to photographing the landscape. I think I’ll go upstairs to the balconies tomorrow and take pictures from there too.

So far so good! I just wish people really understood my true intentions and weren’t so critical of everything. Yes, it’s definitely untraditional, but who ever said untraditional was bad? Some of the greatest things have been accomplished by stepping out of the box…


Peace,
Asil

Off to the Orient!

I’m sitting in the Frankfurt Airport right now, killing some time before our 2:10 PM flight to Beirut. We’ve actually been in Frankfurt since 7:30 this morning, but I think we are too tired to care. The trip from Dallas to Frankfurt actually wasn’t that bad. I didn’t have a seat assignment when I showed up and we thought I might be left behind, but they figured it out…it took a LONG time, but they did eventually. American Airlines is trying to save some green so instead of the 2 or 3 people working at the gate before boarding, there was one lady dealing with an overbooked overseas flight and a ton of people on standby. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.
There were some cute German toddlers sitting in our same aisle. When I wasn’t passed out, I was playing peek-a-boo with them or doing silly things. Their moms looked crazy distressed travelling with restless kids for 9.5 hours.

So here I am. My head is pounding and I don’t think jet lag is going to be that bad, but I wish we could just get to Beirut already. And I thought it would hit me that I’m going to Lebanon by now…but it really hasn’t. Haha, I don’t know what’s up with that. I did realize, however, that there was an entire war between the time I last visited and now. So I’m interested in seeing whatever damage is left of the war between Hezbollah and Israel in 2006. I always remembered the area around the Beirut Airport being really, really poor-looking. I think I remember a lot of slums being around there last time I visited. I might be wrong…I guess we’ll find out in a few hours.

Ciao for now,
Asil

From Dallas to Frankfurt...

I’m sitting in the Frankfurt Airport right now, killing some time before our 2:10 PM flight to Beirut. We’ve actually been in Frankfurt since 7:30 this morning, but I think we are too tired to care. The trip from Dallas to Frankfurt actually wasn’t that bad. I didn’t have a seat assignment when I showed up and we thought I might be left behind, but they figured it out…it took a LONG time, but they did eventually. American Airlines is trying to save some green so instead of the 2 or 3 people working at the gate before boarding, there was one lady dealing with an overbooked overseas flight and a ton of people on standby. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.

There were some cute German toddlers sitting in our same aisle. When I wasn’t passed out, I was playing peek-a-boo with them or doing silly things. Their moms looked crazy distressed travelling with restless kids for 9.5 hours.

So here I am. My head is pounding and I don’t think jet lag is going to be that bad, but I wish we could just get to Beirut already. And I thought it would hit me that I’m going to Lebanon by now…but it really hasn’t. Haha, I don’t know what’s up with that. I did realize, however, that there was an entire war between the time I last visited and now. So I’m interested in seeing whatever damage is left of the war between Hezbollah and Israel in 2006. I always remembered the area around the Beirut Airport being really, really poor-looking. I think I remember a lot of slums being around there last time I visited. I might be wrong…I guess we’ll find out in a few hours.


Ciao for now,
Asil

Unwritten

So, I'm back from Lebanon. I flew in last Tuesday evening and was reunited with the family for a brief couple of days until I moved back up to Sherman for RA training.

It was a phenomenal trip. Words cannot describe all the things I did and saw and experienced. The best experiences were the ones I thought I would never take...the ones that involved a bit of risk and deception and unconventional tactics. But all that aside, it was also a very, very difficult trip. It was a challenge to my self-confidence but at the same time I have never felt this much willpower in my life. Ambition is a word that had less strong of meaning before this summer. I am Lebanese and saw a side of Lebanon I had never knew existed.

Since I didn't get internet much while I was there, I wrote everyday in Microsoft Word. I'll be posting all those entries on my blog eventually.

The thing I cannot put in words though is how I feel right now. While I was in Lebanon there was a lot that I saw and could act upon and I felt empowered because I was physically present. Here, I am isolated from all the things and projects I was working on. Who am I to say what to do and when to do it to people my senior who are overseas and have been running this orphanage (inefficiently) for years. I know what direction to take it just seems like I'm stuck in place for now.

More later...I have to head back to RA training.

Asil

I'm on plane, yeah

No, I'm still sitting at home. I don't know what encouraged me to go for a run after breakfast but there I was at 6:30 AM, running outside in the actually nice weather.

I'm done and I'm ready ready ready! I feel like I'm going to NYC and coming back in a week. It hasn't hit me that I'm going overseas and I don't think it will hit me until we're in Frankfurt for the layover.

Either way, I'm not sure if I'll have internet. Which means this blog may be dry for a while :( I'll be writing every day, just maybe not on here.

See you all in August!

Peace,
Asil :)

Kiss Me Thru The Phone

My mother's current favorite song:

I need you in my life, yeah all day everyday I need ya
And every time I see ya my feelings get deeper
I miss ya, I miss ya, I really wanna kiss you but I can't
Six, seven, eight, triple nine, eight, two, one, two.

Baby you know that I miss you, I wanna get with you tonight
But I cannot baby girl and that's the issue
Girl you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now so baby kiss me thru the phone, I'll see you later on
Kiss me thru the phone, see you when I get home.

Alright, so I am all packed and ready to leave to Lebanon by 2 this morning and what happens? Insomnia kicks in. Yes, my friends--that's what the tea and the company and the dark chocolate do to you. And Kiss Me Thru The Phone. Jack Johnson is bad packing music, because I got nothing done while listening to his music. But maybe he's the trick to falling asleep. It's 5:38 AM and I am still wiiiiiiiiiide-awake. I've been tossing and turning in bed for a good 3 hours, but what's the use now?

So what do I do? I have Lucky Charms for an early breakfast. Today is a good day.

I'm spending my last few hours in the states enjoying these Western luxuries that I probably won't have in the next 5 weeks: 24/7 running water, hot water, phone service, internet, artificially colored and flavored snacks, Saturday morning cartoons, on-demand electricity, On Demand in general, and a cat that doesn't frighten me. I've heard that in some parts of Lebanon the electricity is coming only 5 hours a day. It used to be 12 when I was last there in 2005, but I guess the recession has taken a toll on it.

Yes, I'm the typical spoiled white kid in the eyes of my Middle Eastern counterparts and the classic middle class American college student in America.

Today was a hectic day. Enough said. Sometimes I would have to remind my mom that I was the one travelling to Lebanon, not she. She stresses over travel a lot.

Things to do:

- Clean my glasses

- Wipe my computer screen

- Throw in a laundry bag in my luggage

- Pack my toothpaste and toothbrush

- Put my camera battery back into the camera...don't forget the charger

- Charge my iPod

- Grab Freakonomics before I leave

- Get ready to meet all 70 million members of my family!

Peace,

Asil :)

I'm sick of packing

I'm sick of packing...nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbye (for now).

I have also been sleepless. There's been a LOT of thinking. I'm feeling optimistic about a lot of things. Something about this summer is different than any other summer. My first year of college was nothing short of amazing. I worked hard and played just as much. But Austin College has changed my life. Never did I expect to be involved in some of the things that I'm involved in today.

The summer has been pretty chill so far. But it will be a giant marathon from Saturday to the day classes start. I did actually start studying for my LSAT...2 years in advance. Eeeek. Well, it can't hurt. I just need to familiarize myself with the test.

I've met a lot of amazing people this summer. I'm definitely looking forward to staying really close with them. They're just fascinating and it's crazy how quickly we clicked.

In other news,

I
MISS
OMEGA
ZETA
SO
MUCH.

My beautiful sisters...what will I ever do without you?! It was bittersweet to see 10, yes 10!, of you graduate this year. I am beyond thrilled that I pledged. Never thought that I, Asil, would be a sorority girl. I repeat, NEVER. I guess that has a whole different meaning now :) I told some of these girls more things in four mere weeks than I did in the last four years. That's how well we all connected. I run out of words to describe my love for Omega Zeta.

I'm an insomniac.

Peace,
"Tour de Fleur"
Pledge Class 2009 :)

Second Chance

I just saw Haley's Comet, she waived,

Said, "Why are you always running in place?"

Even the man in the moon disappeared,

Somewhere in the stratosphere.

This song has zero significance to my day...I just really love this part.

I'm barely getting internet at my house for some reason. Foreshadowing Lebanon I suppose :) Otherwise it's been a pretty exhausting day. I hit the gym for the first time this week because I've been so busy. I also had a sudden urge to go for a run before dinner so that happened and it was a good run...I haven't had one like that for weeks. Just over 3 miles, so nothing too long nor too short.

I'm getting more and more excited about Lebanon by the minute. My legit 5-week adventure starts Saturday!

Peace,

Asil

Waiting On The World To Change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want.

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change.

I agree with the second stanza...not so much the others though. Power to the people! Baby steps, my friends.

Summer, Parneet, Mina and I went downtown today to protest with 300 other people against the violence going on in Iran. It was incredibly hot but a really lively rally. The only thing I have to criticize though is that I wasn't exactly sure what everyone was protesting. I think it drifted from ousting Ahmedinejad to highlighting human rights abuses to recounting the votes to putting pressure ont he West to respond to this more. It was a bit confusing, but all in all, it was a really good protest in front of Dallas City Hall. I pray for the day that we no longer need to protest, but until then, freedom of speech is something I love, love, love.

I fell asleep listening to Jack Johnson while attempting to pack. I'm trying Lady Gaga tomorrow to help me stay awake.

I've been walking my little brother to his summer school bus stop every morning. His bus stop is actually my old elementary school. It's surreal to be walking back onto that campus after so many years. And yet it didn't seem too long ago when my big frizzy hair got in the way of flag football and Power Beads were just as important as maintaining every color in your 64 Crayola crayon pack.

John Mayer is dead wrong. If everybody was kicking back and staring blankly into their TV sets, a lot of stuff wouldn't have happened. Iran wouldn't be where it is now. The Orange Revolution in Ukraine would have been nonexistent. The Cedar Revolution wouldn't have drawn half of Lebanon to the streets. Tiananmen Square would not be in the textbooks. Just imagine. I can't wrap my mind around it.

Peace,

Asil

Upside Down

Who's to say

I can't do everything

Well I can try

And as I roll along I begin to find

Things aren't always just what they seem.

I wanna turn the whole thing upside down

I'll find the things they say just can't be found

I'll share this love I find with everyone

We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's song

This world keeps spinning and there's no time to waste

Will it all keep spinning and spinning round and round and

Upside down

Who's to say whats impossible and can't be found

I don't want this feeling to go away.

I'm getting sick, but I feel empowered! I am more excited about Lebanon than ever before. I cannot wait until I get my feet wet in all of this humanitarian excitement! My Omega Zeta big sister, Yvette, leaves for Tunisia on Friday. What a cultured OZ lineage we have here!

I really, really hope I'll have internet for the sake of updating this blog. I'm thinking about buying an AT&T internet connect card. It will cost me about $100 but I think it's worth it, considering I'll probably use it when I study abroad eventually. We'll see.

I've barely started packing. I should probably get on that. I also lost my appetite big time last week, and I'm just now starting to crash from malnourishment. It got to a point where I would eat cereal and apples all day because I couldn't stand anything else in my mouth. Oh, I'm just a mystery all the time.

I'm making a run to Hobby Lobby tomorrow to look at some things I might want to buy for the kids in the orphanage over there. Or at least get a few ideas for crafts and fun things for them to do.

I'm also going to a rally tomorrow in downtown Dallas for democracy in Iran. I'm beyond excited to see that...I have no idea what to expect but it's really cool seeing people in solidarity for something. They're turning the whole thing upside down :) I honestly never saw it coming. The Gaza and Lebanon protests I've attended have been nothing short of breathtaking...and unity amongst Arabs can be a phenomenon sometimes.

I met up with my old friend Ahmed today and talked to a few people from Sherman and WFalls I haven't talked to in a while. They were really good conversations too. I'm finally getting back into the swing of things and I haven't been better. Besides that, it's been a battle with my immune system and some sporadic packing and, oh...I did Cardioke instead of hitting the gym today. Cardioke = Cardio + Karaoke. On Demand is beautiful.

Oh, and the final verdict: AUB doesn't have enough dorms apparently. I'll be staying with the family. It's okay, I enjoy their company anyways :) I just didn't want to be a burden on anyone.

Peace,

Asil

Everything

You're a falling star, You're the get-away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.

You're the swimming pool, on an August day.

And you're the perfect thing to say.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,

And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You're a mystery, you're from outer space,

You're every minute of my everyday.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times,

It's you, it's you, You make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

Dedicated to my beyond-wonderful dad who I love so much. I want to dance with my dad with this song at my wedding :) It's absolutely beautiful. He has sacrificed so much and has worked so hard. I love our relationship and I am so happy that I have continued to grow closer to him every day. I simply cannot imagine my life without him.

You are well-respected, hilarious, wise, rational. You let me make mistakes...and those are the moments I remember the most, because those are the times that have made me stronger. I call you from campus at least twice a day...to tell you about my day and to hear about yours. Or to just say hi or tell you a joke or complain about the cafeteria food. You are always all ears.

You get up at 4:45 in the morning and head to the gym at 5 to swim for an hour, because you stress that you want to be healthy enough to see all three of us graduate, all three of us start a career, all three of us get married, and see all of our grandchildren. Then you come back home and spend the few beautiful, serene minutes of the day sipping tea with my mom. You work all day but somehow find the time to send me a YouTube video of anything from an SNL skit to Obama's latest speech to a song about tabbouleh. I hastily run to my dorm some days and in the few minutes I have between class and my next meeting I quickly check my email and laugh out loud, then curse my busy schedule and cannot wait to open the link after dinner.

You are my superhero. You were always the first person I would talk about when people ask who inspires me the most. You have taught me so much, and gave me even more. One day dedicated to you is simply not enough. Butterfly kisses and words and smiles and hugs and gifts and jokes are hardly enough to express my gratitude.

You are my everything. I love you dad :)


Peace,
Asil

1 2 3 4

Give me more lovin' than I've ever had

Make it all better when I'm feeling sad

Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad

Barely gettin' mad, I'm so glad I found you

I love bein' around you

You make it easy, easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4.

I saw Redwan today! It made me so happy. I love our conversations...I can never get enough of them :) I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life. Especially people that can put up with my crazy, unpredicatable self. But we eventually had to part because I needed to finish up some Lebanon stuff. Even the lady at Tom Thumb was really upset to see us go. She was quite the character.

I bought a copy of Freakonomics for the plane. Last time I went to Lebanon I brought The Da Vinci Code and they interrogated me at the airport hahaha. It's banned by the Church in Lebanon. I think Freakonomics is kosher. Well, I at least hope so.

I'm still debating whether I want to bring the guitar or not. Con -- one less suitcase I can bring. Pro -- It could be an amazing addition to a music education thing I want to do at the orphanage I'm working at.

6 days!

Peace,

Asil

How To Save A Life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And I pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you.

People are inherently good.

I saw Nada today. She's leaving Sunday for camp and I'm leaving next weekend to Lebanon. I'm going to miss her a lot. Granted I didn't see her much this year because I was home only once a month but the few times I have seen her this year have been memorable. Including today...we had quite an adventure. Plano is full of surprises. It started out with a trip to the bookstore. Let's just say that Nada was very intent on getting a Slurpee before dinner and, well, we had a few awkward roadblocks on the way. Oh, good times :)

I also talked to Nadeen for an hour and a half today. That was some good conversation. I've been lost in place recently, but the more I talk to her the closer I become to the path I somehow got swept away from.

In other news, Ellen and I Skyped last night for the first time. We were both yawning the entire time as we discussed news and Hannah Montana and ear piercings and Sherman. Man, I love my sister! :)

From the doctor, good news of the day: It's not a tumor. Final answer. I've been on my toes for a year and now I can finally sit back and rest assured. Thank goodness.

I had a phenomenal time with my family tonight. Father's Day weekend is going to be amazing!

Peace,

Asil

Better Together

And all of these moments

just might find their way into my dreams tonight,

But I know that they’ll be gone when the morning light sings

and brings new thingsfor tomorrow night you see

that they’ll be gone too,too many things I have to do

But if all of these dreams might find their way

into my day to day scene

I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between

With only two,

Just me and you,

Not so many things we got to door places we got to be

We'll sit beneath the mango tree, now.

Yeah It's always better when we're together

Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together

Well, it's always better when we're together

Yeah, it's always better when we're together.

I saw Chitra and Sophie for the first time since winter break. It made my day! I laughed nonstop for almost 3 hours. I smile just thinking about all that time I spent with them.

Oh yeah, it's always better together. I remembered a psychology experiment that my psych teacher quoted at the beginning of class one day this semester. Several centuries ago an Italian king decided he would experiment with a bunch of infants by putting them in an underground room, allowing no human contact at all, expect for the occasional nurse to come in and change soiled diapers. She asked the class what we thought had happened with those babies. Most of us said that they had some language impairment or couldn't speak properly or didn't learn how to walk until much later. Wrong, she said. They all died within a short period of time.

It's amazing to see how important human contact is...to hear that it could get to a point of life and death is mindblowing.

In a crazy world, what has socialization come down to? Or simply human contact? I noticed such a huge difference between life on campus and life back in Plano. Granted, I go to an extremely small school and end up seeing familiar faces every single day. I remember people on campus being friendly and welcoing from day one. I was jogging on the trail through my neighborhood the other day. Rarely do you ever get a smile or an occasional hello from other walkers or bike riders anymore. I don't really know what to make of it. Of course I don't take it personally, but for a really small world it's difficult to make sense of this self-willed isolation.

Some of the best advice I've been given is that the best people are the ones that bring the best out of you. And I'm sure you feel just as great empowering or encouraging or inspiring a friend to go above and beyond...and watching them succeed. There's nothing like it.

At the end of the day, I think we're always better when we're together.

Peace,

Asil

Where Is The Love?

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder

As I'm getting older y'all people get colder

Most of us only care about money makin

Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction

Wrong information always shown by the media

Negative images is the main criteria

Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria

Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema.

I was reconsidering a career in journalism again...until this song came up on my ipod and I remembered how screwed up the media is anyways.

Peace,

Asil

Breathe

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
Everything is alright if i just breathe...breathe.

Today I decided instead of taking my evening run, I would just walk. It was the best hour I had all day. It was really relaxing, not to mention easy on the asthma. You wouldn't believe it, but since I didn't have much trouble breathing, I could slow down and notice small things I've missed on the same exact path I've been running on for the past four weeks.

That's insane. What else have I missed out on? I think I was running this entire semester, never walking--metaphorically and literally. And I was sprinting during pledgeship. After I came back from New York for Model UN, everything has really been a blur. I didn't really have the chance to look left and right all semester. But I felt like I had the time of my life this semester, regardless of me speeding through it, and I definitely exceeded the limit a handful of times. No regrets.

I picked up my guitar today for the first time in at least a couple of weeks. Man, it felt good. Even sang a bit while I strummed. Learned a handful of new chords.

President Obama swat a fly during a live interview today. I nearly fell off the treadmill seeing that. We all need some comic relief :)

I'm reading From Beirut To Jerusalem again. I was too naive to understand it the first time around. Now I really, really want to spend a weekend in Israel and Palestine if I get the chance.

I'm also tossing around the idea of going to Bangladesh next summer to intern at Grameen. I have a few friends doing that this summer and I cannot wait until they get back so I can hear how it went!

I started packing for Lebanon today. Not really, I just dusted off the suitcase and it's lying on my bedroom floor, still zipped up. I walked around my room aimlessly today trying to figure out if it was worth putting anything in there right now. Naaaaah.

I'm in a go-with-the-flow mentality right now. Not too concerned with mapping out the future, much less some Lebanon details. Que sera, sera. I'm going to make sure I run less and walk more for now. I can breathe much better that way.

Peace,

Asil

You Found Me

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad

Where the West was all but won

All alone, smoking his last cigarette

I said, "Where you been?" He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you when everything was falling apart?

All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang

And all I needed was a call that never came

To the corner of 1st and Amistad.

I have more faith than ever now that only time will tell. And my faith in God has been renewed...but it's not the same faith that I had before...it's stronger, but it's much, much different. It's less religion-based and more personal. I'm actually at peace with that. I feel good about what He has in store for me, but again, only time will reveal that. And of course, I'm a firm believer that I'm responsible for my own fate but I can't help but think that He has some sort of hand in all of this. It's comforting and unsettling all at the same time.

A bird peed on me today when I was out for my evening run.

I also started attacking my long shopping list for stuff I need before I go to Lebanon. I still have no idea what I'm getting myself into but I love adventures, so I guess it's all good.

I saw Up yesterday and cried 4 times. That's ridiculous. I haven't cried over a Disney movie since Mufasa fell off the cliff when I was in fourth grade. It's cute, and my underage sister has been begging me to take her to see The Hangover.

My mom and I got into a heated conversation today about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Conclusion? Enjoy your hummus with as many friends as possible because the world is making cousins into enemies. And both sides need to be more willing to compromise. And basically, the conflict is going to last forever.

I don't think God is in my neighborhood yet...he's too busy dealing with that side of the world. But I'll wait :)

Peace,

Asil

20 Dollar

There's 24 hours in a day

I used to spilt it 8, 8, 8

8 work

8 sleep

8 for play

Now I give it all it takes.

Nadeen Siddiqui is a good friend.


Peace,
Asil

The Scientist

Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start.

Coldplay has been really kind to me. I feel like I've been doing a lot of science and not enough philosophy. I go to a liberal arts school...I should know better! But lately I've been trying to find too many answers to too many questions and I'm probing into things as small as atoms when I should be looking at the big picture. I've been catching myself doing that a lot.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting today. I'm 4 weeks into summer, 2 weeks away from Lebanon, and 2 weeks into a new start for me. I've been doing well. Life is good, endorphins after working out are just as great. I laughed a lot with my family today, and I can't remember a single joke that anyone made. Just silly things shared at the dinner table or in front of SNL.

Tickets are confirmed--I leave June 27th. I've been contacting microfinance banks all afternoon. Trying to see if I can fit an internship in between my GO Fellowship work.

I'm going to email my cousin from Dearborn. She's going to be a sophomore in high school and I haven't talked to her in forever. I'm so glad I'm not a Dearborn Arab. That's all I can say. What a shallow community they have there. I hope she's doing okay...there's crazy pressure at those high schools.

My ear is killing me right now. The neurologist thought it was a tumor last summer, and another one was convinced it was a tumor this summer. They ran some tests and decided I was safe, but it's still up in the air I guess. Extra strength Tylenol has been my best friend. And All The Above by Maino and T-Pain.

My mom has an elaborate plan to drive to the lake at 6 AM tomorrow with the entire family, some tennis shoes, and a picnic basket. Ugh, why can't I have all these cute plans in Sherman?!

Which reminds me, I'm missing my sorority sisters a lot. Thank goodness for Skype :) But really, I am so blessed to have all of them. Man, I can't believe I almost didn't pledge...My life would be completely different right now.

I made a list of things I need to do/buy before I go to Lebanon. I thought I could fit it all on one notecard...hahaha, that's really funny.

I'm reading a book called The World Is Flat by Thomas Friedman. It's excellent. All this stuff about globalization that I had no idea about. I thought it would be dry, but it's a pretty fun read. Who thought in this day and age that the world was really getting flatter? Somebody of a different era might have been right...

Oh take me back to the start.

Peace,

Asil

Square One

The first line on the first page
To the end of the last page
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are.

I'm Godawful at keeping journals. Winston Churchill's booming words of try try try try again have inspired me to start up yet another journal. This time it's online. Not sure if that makes much of a difference, but we'll see.

I'm leaving to Lebanon June 20-something. I think it's the 26th. My dad is with me for a good 10 days, then I'm on my own doing humanitarian work. It's really exciting and a bit crazy at the same time. I never thought I'd actually be doing this. I'm only there just short of 6 weeks and I want to make the most of it. I want to leave feeling like I didn't just lend my time, but that I've actually accomplished something. A project or goal of some sort.

Silly Lebanese, God designed them all the same way. We're procrastinators no matter what anyone says. Every email I've sent to virtually every nonprofit or NGO has come back with a reply of "Well, why don't you stop by once you get here and we'll figure out stuff then." I guess I need to start adjusting to the laid-back Middle Eastern way of life.

I've been home from my first year of college for about 4 weeks now. That's crazy. I cannot believe I'm done with this year. I'm looking forward to being an RA next year, that will definitely be something new. I also want to teach kickboxing on campus a couple of times a week. That's something I stopped doing as a freshman and I definitely regret it. We'll see what kind of liability or CPR certification I have to pursue to do that.

In other news, I've been teaching myself guitar for a while. I bought one for myself a while back but exams and Model UN and a bunch of other stuff didn't give me much time to really focus on it. It's a beautiful Spanish classical guitar, made and imported straight from Spain. My roommate took pictures of me excitedly opening the box when it first arrived in the mail after Spring Break. Imagine me walking across campus with that thing. I've been practicing 3 or 4 days a week, but I got really lazy this week and haven't picked it up since Sunday. So far, I can play some Jason Mraz and I'm attempting Coldplay. I'm still trying to perfect chords.

I've spent a lot of time playing around with my camera and doing photography stuff. I've done a couple of photoshoots for friends who are graduating or needed some family portraits done. I'm really excited about the photos I'll have once I get back from Lebanon. Everytime I think about it, there is just so much to do and see in the time I am there. I am more than willing to sacrifice some sleep and energy.

Hopefully AUB will get back to me about having a dorm while I'm there. Otherwise I'll stay with my aunt, who's amazing and fun, I just don't want to put a burden on someone. But they insist that I stay with them...of course. I'm torn, but I think it will just be more practical if I'm living on my own for a few weeks while I'm going in and out and traveling around the country. We'll see how that works out.

It's 1 in the morning and I have my alarm set at 7 AM for a morning run. Hah, that's not happening...I think I'll push it back a couple of hours...

Peace,
Asil